No Ordinary Days

One thing that parents - particularly Christian parents - are often opposed to is rewarding their children for good behavior. Their concern is understandable - what if my child learns to obey just to receive rewards? And if the reward is removed or becomes commonplace, will they continue to obey? In this episode we discuss whether or not this fear is well founded or if rewards can, in fact, be used appropriately to encourage good behavior in our children.

It's hard to admit when we're wrong. For some parents it's almost impossible. And yet, when our children exhibit disobedience or rebellious behavior, an honest assessment will often reveal that much of what we're seeing is the result of our failure in some area of their life. Have we expected too much or too little of them? Have we been too strict or too lenient? Have we neglected to spend time with them - to listen to them? In many cases, their misbehavior is, in fact, a natural reaction to these errors on our part and are their only way to draw attention to them. That is, if we have ears to hear and if our hearts are willing to accept responsibility and course correct for their benefit.

Do your children trust you? When you promise them you'll go on a bike ride, do you mean it? When you give them 10 seconds to come to you, do you continue counting to 11, 12, 13 before you really get serious? Actions such as these undermine the level of trust our children have in the durability of our word. They also create an environment that breeds disobedience, and worse, makes them less likely to confide in you in the future. In a world that is constantly lying to them, shouldn't we be among those that never would?

The principle of authority is pretty important to a parent. We appeal to it frequently to steer our children into compliance. If we had no authority, how would we ever get them to clean up after themselves or settle spats between them and their siblings? But do we, as parents, truly understand this authority we possess? Who gave it to us? What are its bounds? How is it properly used? The answers we give to these questions will not only determine our children's ability to respect our authority, but our ability to respect it as well.

The world grows more chaotic by the day. At some point we need to step back and ask why. Why this growing frustration, and anger and disillusionment? The simple answer is that we're growing increasingly more bold in our transgression of the fundamental laws and principles that undergird our existence. The more we repudiate the truths that exist in the heart of God and that are intended to govern our thoughts and actions, the more devastating the consequences. These consequences can be felt at every level. They can be felt by the mother or father who insist on coercing their children into obedience through fear and intimidation and they can be (or will be) felt by the politician who wields their limited authority as a bludgeon in their perilous pursuit of power.

The most important jobs in the world have the most stringent requirements and demanding qualifications, right? Well, if we're talking about traditional jobs, yes. What about being a mother or a father? In that case the answer is no. In fact there really are no up front requirements to becoming a parent - no detailed job description. Regardless of qualifications or prior experience jut about anyone can "accept" this job and in many cases people do so without ever making a formal application. How can this be?! The answer to that question has everything to do with the "CEO" overseeing the hiring process and His grand design in "hiring" us and the work he has called us to perform.

What should you allow your children to watch? And when? This is a question that many parents struggle with. Sometimes we introduce a new video too soon, only to discover that it has effectively blocked off the the show or the movie they had watched previously. You've lead them to new and exciting ground and the old ground (show) no longer interests them. But despite the errors in judgement we often make, above all we must make sure that our children do not travel through the media landscape alone. We must do our best to not only guide them, but equip them with the discernment they need to detect negative influences on their own.

As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The same could be said of your noisier, needier children. They're the one's that get most of your attention. Your quiet ones? Well, they kind of recede into the background. They aren't fussing; aren't causing any trouble, so you kind of leave them alone. But this can be a terrible mistake, for while they're left to themselves they're also struggling with life and growing up, albeit in a less exuberant way. So this episode is for the quiet child (or children) in your household. Don't let their quiet demeanor deceive you. They need you every bit as much as your other children (perhaps more so).

If you look around the world today, it seems like we're fighting the final battle on multiple philosophical (and existential) fronts. What should we, as parents, do about this and how can raise our children in such a way that will ensure ultimate victory? It has everything to do with getting the basics right - while we still can.

If you could use one word to define who your children are - what they represent and what their ultimate purpose is - what word would you choose? Well, if you were to ask God, he would use the word "arrows". That might not be the first word that comes to our minds, but surely it's worth our consideration as to why it came to his? Indeed, this one word carries with it so many rich and profound connotations that not only does it completely reframe how we view our children, it also redefines our obligations towards them.

As difficult as parenting is, winter has a way of making it more so. It's a time of rest for the earth. It can also be, if we're not careful, a time where we relax our efforts a bit (or a lot). Before you know it, we're in a parenting rut. If this sounds familiar, just know this episode is for you and also know you're not alone. Also in this episode we'll talk about 3 incredibly important things you must do this year to strengthen your home for the days ahead.

In episode 36 we discussed how toddler obedience is often the viewed as the holy grail of parenting. Many parents aren't aware of this, but not all obedience is the same and its quality largely depends on the way you go about training it. In this episode we'll examine the two errant child training paths parents often take and how that, despite our best intentions, they actually lead to disobedience, and worst of all, idolatry.